A Man Stands in the Cold

A Man Stands in the Cold: A Memorial Day Tribute 

A man stands in the cold, waiting. 

I wake up, have my coffee and hop in the shower. My thoughts turn to the day ahead. I wonder what we’re having for dinner tonight? 

A man stands in the cold waiting. He scans the horizon, ready. 

I start my car and drive into work; still thinking about what I have to do today. Will I be able to figure out that report my manager wants? Should I go to lunch with the guys or be good and eat what I brought from home? 

A man stands in the cold, waiting. He scans the horizon, ready. He welcomes the challenge and opportunity to defend. 

At work now, kind of tired. I didn’t get great sleep the night before. Maybe I’ll have some coffee, that’ll wake me up. I say hey to a co-worker and talk about college football. Notre Dame lost over the weekend, I’m pretty unhappy about it. 

A man stands in the cold, waiting. He scans the horizon, ready. He welcomes the challenge and opportunity to defend. It’s the middle of the day, he’s been in the same spot looking in the same direction for hours now.

I’m on my fourth conference call, pretty bored at this point. Looking forward to going home, eating dinner with my wife, and talking about our day. We’re having steak for the second time this week. 

A man stands in the cold, waiting. He scans the horizon, ready. He welcomes the challenge and opportunity to defend. It’s getting dark now, he realizes he hasn’t eaten. Maybe he should, he whispers to himself. 

Dinner was delicious. Watching TV now, the day is winding now, my wife in my arms. I tell her I love her and head to bed. Thirty minutes later I’m fast asleep, not a worry in my head. 

A man stands in the cold, waiting. He scans the horizon, ready. He welcomes the challenge and opportunity to defend. It’s pitch black now and he stands alone. He’s hungry, cold and tired but sleeping isn’t an option, he has to defend.   

This man is a soldier. If he survives his time in the military, he will be a veteran. He sits in the cold and watches, hungry and tired, because it’s his duty. He loves his country and what it stands for. This man is a solder and I thank him. 

Dreaming to Live: A Soldier's Story

Dreaming to Live: A Soldier's Story

Normal I suppose. That’s the response I’d give most people if they asked about my life. I met my wife in college. We’re raising two kids and we live in a small but happy home near the Chesapeake Bay, where I grew up. My childhood was an idyllic one. Both of my parents were very attentive to my baby brother and I, without smothering or being overbearing. Yeah, I’d say life is about as good as it can get, I have zero regrets. 

My oldest, Bobby, he’s a bit of a wild child. Lauren (that’s my wife) and I thought he may have something wrong with him. He was constantly getting into trouble and causing mischief, but that made life a bit more exciting I suppose. Plus, he has a huge heart. He’s always willing to go out of his way for you and others, which makes Lauren and I beam with pride whenever that happens. He dreams of being a fireman when he grows up. He’s even gone so far as to set small fires in the backyard so he can put them out with a watering can. My Dad refers to him as a “live wire,” which I think sums him up pretty well. Bobby’s 13 years old and I love him dearly. He’s the child I never knew I wanted until I had him, he’s changed my world for the better. 

My youngest, Michael, he’s the bookworm of the family. Man that kid’s smart. I always tease Lauren that he got 99% of her brain and 100% of my clumsiness. He truly is the smartest child I’ve ever been around while also being born with two left feet. Like most kids in America, he loves baseball. His favorite team is the Dodgers. I’ve promised him we’ll go see them play one day, I simply haven’t saved the dough for the gas money to get us there. Like Bobby, Michael was gifted with a heart of gold. He’s always willing to help his friends and do the right thing when asked. Michael is 9 years old and I can’t wait to see what kind of person he grows up to be. I've got my money on a college professor.  

Did you hear that? They sound close but maybe it’s my mind playing tricks on me….medic!…focus… 

Lauren and I met our sophomore year at the University of Delaware. She was well on her way to fulfilling a lifelong dream of becoming a nurse. I was undecided in what I wanted to do and remained that way until Junior year when I finally landed on a business degree. Lauren is an incredible wife, mother and partner. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better in my life. She was able to break through my hard exterior and find the man I always knew myself to be. 

Focus, stay calm…medic! 

She has made me a better father. As a result, I now have the ability to listen to my boys and help them with their problems, rather than simply yelling or ignoring them as my father would sometimes do. 

I work as a bookkeeper at a shipping company. I’ve worked there for the better part of 12 years.  

no wait, 15 years, it has to be more than 13 because of Bobby…

Mr Quimbly, the owner, is a somewhat cantankerous old man but he means well. He’s constantly praising me for “running a tight ship,” a pun he never tires of saying. I’m pretty sure it’s the only thing aside from his daughter that makes him smile. Josephine, his daughter, was at one point the prettiest girl in town prior to a boating accident that left her scarred on the right side of her face. As often happens, she’s now overweight and unmarried in her upper 30s, contented with her administrative duties and her father’s love and admiration. 

At one point wanting to be a nurse, Lauren quickly realized her true dream was to be a stay at home mother to our two kids. Once Bobby (or do we call him Bob, I think Bobby is better, stay in the moment) was born, she made this decision and hasn’t looked back since. Her ability to run our household while still making me feel like I matter at all never ceases to amaze. At one point, she was able to juggle two sick children while picking up my Mom from her eye doctor appointment, all while somehow cooking a meatloaf dinner (my favorite, I think, I forget what it tastes like…) so it was ready for me when I got home that night. She’s a marvel. There’s no other way to describe her dedication and love for our family. 

Bobby or Bob, or did I call him Robert before? I mentioned he’s a good kid and he is. Definitely a troublemaker but not in a terrible way. I said that, right? 

What was the other one, Michael, right? 

Bobby, Micheal and Lauren

Bobby, Michael and Lauren

Bobby, Michael and Lau…

Bobby, Mich…

Bobby….

Dammit

It’s almost over, it’s so cold, f**king Germany

God please just take me, I’ve been in this pit for hours now  

I can’t feel my legs, they’re attached to my body but I can’t feel them

I’m 19 years old, this isn’t how my life was supposed to end! I must be dying, but how long does this take? My parents, dear God my parents! 

Where was I shot? 

Medic! Why can’t they hear me? 

Maybe it’s not so bad, I can still move my arm, c’mon, get up….

Thank God I lost my virginity to Katie before I left for basic, why didn’t I think of marrying her? Lauren’s the cute girl next door. Weird. 

Medic! 

Captain Finnerty’s once glaring eyes have been reduced to a blank stare in my direction, a constant reminder of the death that awaits me soon

I know now I’ll never meet my wife and kids, I’ll never….

Stop crying….God D**mit! Oh God…I’m sorry for everything

It’s almost over

Where’s my dog tags?

In my hands, I can’t feel them….

How will my parents find me?

Jesus it’s cold, why do I have to die? 

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, please Jesus, please 

Mom and Dad, I love you 

Thirsty

I don’t want to die 

    My tongue feels strange

            Lauren (or Katie?), Bobby, Michael

            What’s that smell? 

    I can’t breathe, I’m choking…

Oh my God, is this it? Oh God….

            It’s so dark, I’m scared!

            What? 

            Yes, I can hear you 

            I’m ready

Footnote: 

According to the National World War II museum site (nationalww2museum.org), 416,800 American soldiers died during WWII. Although this story was fiction, many of them died alone and scared, wishing to have another chance at a life they would never live. 

On this Memorial Day, I humbly provide thanks to all our veterans and active duty military members. Churchill said it best: 

“Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.” 

Winston Churchill

August 1940 

Wait, Why Am I Leaving a Tip?

 The New Trend in America, Excessive Tipping

There’s a trend that I’ve noticed recently and I not only find it annoying, it’s also unfair to me as the consumer of a good or service. I’m talking about what I define as “excessive tipping.” At one point, tipping was limited to restaurants as well as some other services that may be done around your house (you may tip a housekeeper for instance or a someone who details your car, you get the idea). The people you’re tipping performed a service for you that either went above and beyond the “normal” tasks associated with the job or they simply did a great job and you want to show your appreciation. This form of tipping makes sense, but as is the case with so many things in our society at the moment, this is apparently not the only time you’re supposed to tip. 

My family and I attended an outdoor concert last week. It was a local band at an outdoor venue where food and alcohol was offered at varying prices depending on what you ordered. We ordered food for the kids which was more of the pre-made variety and then we ordered our food which had to be prepared. As I went to pay for the food, the girl taking my order passed me a tablet showing the total, which I approved and then proceeded to insert my card so I could begin the payment process. Before I provided a signature, a prompt popped up asking if I wanted to leave a tip of 20/25/30 percent or other. I simply bypassed and paid for my order, handing the girl back the tablet. She smiled and gave us instructions on where we could pick up our food, easy enough. We then walked over to the outdoor bar area and proceeded to buy 2 beers, which were around $15. As I proceeded to pay, the same prompt came up, asking how I wanted to tip. Normally, I would leave a tip for a bartender, but the girl taking my order simply punched in the info and then handed us the beer. The entire transaction took less than 10 seconds and she may have moved 1 foot in either direction. This isn’t necessarily her fault, but I also didn’t feel like she’d done enough to warrant anything extra. I bypassed the tip again and proceeded to pay. As I handed it back to her, she could see that I didn’t leave a tip, since the screen stays on after you’ve passed it back. The look of disdain that I received was both comical and surprising, but it also got me thinking. What’s the deal with this excessive tipping? 

The notion of excessive tipping appears to have happened with the use of handheld payment devices, the kind the server either brings to your table so you can run a card or the kind you use when paying at an event, similar to what I described above. Previously, depending on what you’re buying, a paper receipt had been provided. If you were buying Chinese take out, the receipt may have had a line for a tip since the restaurant may have the option of dining in, I’m assuming the system was designed to have the tip line present for this purpose. You could simply bypass and hand back to the cashier, where more often than not, eye contact remained with you and they had no preconceived notion that you may provide a tip. Another example would be Panera, which is considered fast casual in that you can sit down but it’s more self serve. In the past, you would simply pay and receive a receipt, the option to leave a tip wasn’t even offered. Nowadays, in both the Chinese take out and Panera examples, both places would most likely use a digital payment method whereby the option to leave a tip is being offered. Why? For taking my order and cooking it? Isn’t that the purpose of a restaurant? Are we supposed to overpay for even the most basic example of a service being provided to us? 

I’ve had some terrible jobs in my life. My first job was as a busboy at “O’Charleys,” which was back breaking work and definitely eye opening on how challenging life could be if I had to do that job for a living. I also washed dishes one summer at the Cracker Barrel, which was equally back breaking and incredibly tiring. Keep in mind, in both cases I was 21 or under so I was at my peak both physically and mentally. I understand working in the restaurant industry is tough, very tough. I only did both of those jobs for a short time but I realized pretty quickly that it wasn’t for me. I appreciate the people who work at restaurants and bars and serve the masses as they do. I’m also of the mind set that you shouldn’t be tipped for simply doing your job and doing it well. It’s not my responsibility as the customer to supplement your living, this should be done by your employer. I’ll gladly provide a tip for a job well done when you’re actually providing a service, for instance, as our waiter and waitress who brings our food, fills our drink glasses and has witty banter with us as we enjoy the experience the restaurant provides. I will not provide a tip just because you say hello, punch some info into a computer and wait for someone else to bring it out, which is then handed to me so I can sit down and eat it. Thanks for doing your job, but I’m not going to tip you because you showed up to work today or because you work in a restaurant and it kind of sucks. 

But Patrick, these people need the money, they’re not making a living wage! My question is this, who in their right mind thinks they’re going to be able to live any semblance of a decent life working at a Starbucks? A Starbucks manager makes around $40K per year, the manager! If he or she is making this, you can deduce your pay will be around half that, which is not enough to live on. The number of signs I see on buildings and trucks offering hourly wages of $18-25 an hour or more, with “we will train, no experience necessary” on them continues to be staggering to me. I’m aware of the fact that I live in a growing area and the jobs may not be as plentiful elsewhere, but there are options. Me providing you with an extra $3 tip is not going to get you to where you want or need to go. Excessive tipping is not the answer, additional education and forward momentum on your way to a different career choice is a better way to go. As a society, we shouldn’t be guilted into tipping someone for providing a service that a kiosk would be able to do if that business simply invested in the technology to perform that function. 

Too harsh? I’m not trying to be but I’m also not going to feel obligated to tip someone simply for standing there and having a 5 second conversation with me. Funny enough, I consider myself to be a pretty good tipper. I rarely go below 20% and oftentimes find myself tipping 25% or above since I understand this is how many hard working people supplement their incomes. Notice how I said “hard working,” that’s the distinction. We cannot move away from this in America, it’s important to reward those for a job well done rather than simply rewarding people for showing up that day, in whatever capacity that may be. Hard work is something that should be valued and revered (pardon the pun); otherwise, the next generation will simply think they’re owed something for doing nothing or close to nothing. Perhaps that’s already happening, hence the overtipping as a result. 

It’s hard to go to work everyday, especially doing something you don’t want to do. Take it from a guy who did that for years on end and now has had time to look and breathe. It’s not easy and many out there aren’t provided that luxury to take a breath and have extended time off. It’s these people we should be caring for and rewarding. Throwing a few extra dollars their way may not be life changing, but it’s the principle of the matter. We need to show those who work hard and sacrifice for themselves and their families, we appreciate you and you deserve a little extra for a job well done. 

To quote Vince Vaughan from Wedding Crashers, “Just the tip, just for fun.” Different context of course but the sentiment rings true, those who deserve it, should be rewarded with a nice tip, just for fun. 

Media Bias, Explained

How a Repeal of the Fairness Doctrine Changed American News

Religion and politics, we all have our thoughts on both and it’s hard to completely keep those thoughts to yourself. This becomes especially difficult in a social setting, yet, I’ve found more often than not, people have awareness that these are sensitive topics and tread lightly for the sake of keeping the peace. I experienced this first hand at a party I recently attended this past weekend. Speaking with multiple people from varying social, economic and ethnic backgrounds, we were able to discuss the state of the country and our disappointment about certain things while expressing hope for the future. One of the main topics of discussion centered around the news. More than once, I was asked, “where do I find the actual news,” or “why is the news so biased one way or the other, I don’t get it.” As I’ve found with most things, let’s look to history to help provide us with the truth. 

We’ll need to head back to the time of FDR and one of the many agencies put in place during his Presidency. The Federal Communication Commission or FCC was founded in 1934 as part of the Communications Act. Per the FCC website: 

The Federal Communications Commission regulates interstate and international communications by radio, television, wire, satellite, and cable in all 50 states, the District of Columbia and U.S. territories. An independent U.S. government agency overseen by Congress, the Commission is the federal agency responsible for implementing and enforcing America’s communications law and regulations.

As you would imagine, the FCC has rules and laws in place that provide parameters for all those under their authority to better understand what they can and cannot do, say or present to the American public. One of those laws that was in place was called the Fairness Doctrine. The Fairness Doctrine was established in 1949 and it “mandated broadcast networks devote time to contrasting views on issues of public importance1”. By the 1970’s, Congress referred to it as the ,”single most important requirement of operation in the public interest1.” The law was originally put in place due to a fear that the Big 3 networks (NBC, ABC and CBS) would use their power against the public good. Keep in mind, this is back before cable so these networks controlled the news and radio/television programming within the United States. 

In 1985, under the Reagan administration, FCC chairman Mark Fowler (a Republican lawyer) argued that the law should be repealed due to first amendment/free speech concerns. The FCC officially repealed the law in 1987, the Democratic majority congress attempted to pass a bill keeping all or part of the law in place but Reagan vetoed congress, siding with the FCC. 

Think about this given our current media landscape, one which is now dominated by left leaning, liberal and/or progressive ideals. A Democratic majority congress attempted to thwart the efforts of a Republican president to remove the guard rails put in place to allow for fair, ethical and unbiased reporting. Funny enough, members of Reagan’s own cabinet thought the repeal was a bad idea as, in their mind, the law was the only thing protecting the president from being lambasted in the press. He supported it anyway, more than likely under the guise of free speech as Fowler had originally argued. 

It’s hard to think Fowler, Reagan or anyone else who supported the bill would’ve imagined the world we live in today and how that has impacted the news provided to the American public. What were once fact based broadcasts and newspapers designed to inform have increasingly been replaced with opinion pieces designed to incite emotion. Cable outlets providing you with the “news” are nothing more than reality TV shows while newspapers are holding on for dear life and becoming more irrelevant by the day. It’s hard to blame the producers and creators of these shows, they’re simply trying to survive and be seen through all the noise. No one at MSNBC is going to apologize for trashing Donald Trump on a daily basis, just like no one on Fox News will apologize for praising him. Each of these outlets understands their audience and they’ve worked hard to curate them, the last thing they’re going to do is find a way to lose them. Are you listening Anheuser Busch executives? First rule of marketing, know your audience, they’re learning that the hard way. 

Where does this leave us? Where can you get real news? I’m inclined to simply speak to my neighbors, friends and relatives. I talked about this in my previous article (My Path to Understanding Woke-ism) but conversations are crucial to our understanding of each other and society as a whole. If the pandemic and all the rules put in place against us and our freedoms have taught us anything, I hope it’s taught us that we’re all in this thing together. Definitely listen to the news and attempt to become educated, but make sure you do so with a healthy dose of skepticism. Look at the story from both sides of the aisle and attempt to get to the truth, it’s normally lying around in the gray, where it’s not that hard to find if you’re willing to look. Stop getting mad at different outlets for pandering to one side or the other, they won’t change until you or their audience stops watching. Again, it’s not news, it’s a TV show and/or digital magazine designed to get the highest ratings and number of readers possible. 

The next time you get upset at the media bias in America, just remember, we have both Democrats and Republicans to thank. FDR created the FCC which was the vehicle used to repeal the Fairness Doctrine by a Republican lawyer and a Republican president. Crazy right? As John Adams once said, “Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.” My friends, I give you the historical facts on why the American media is a shell of its former self. 

Blame FDR, blame Reagan but don’t blame the networks or other news outlets, they were empowered to provide you with their opinions rather than the news. How you form your own opinion now that you’re armed with this information, is wholly and completely up to you. You can start by using the freedoms we still have to lend a voice to those who don’t have one, or, you can just keep yelling at the TV, I’ll let you decide which is more constructive. 

1. Reagan Library, reaganlibrary.gov, https://www.reaganlibrary.gov/archives/topic-guide/fairness-doctrine#:~:text=The%20Fairness%20Doctrine%2C%20enforced%20by,set%20a%20biased%20public%20agenda.