The Three "Bs" of Friendship

 The Three “Bs” of Friendship 

Being away from work allows you to reflect on many aspects of your life. You have time to think, which can be both dangerous and exciting depending on how your mind works. Mine tends to go in multiple directions at a time, so it’s nice to pick something and dive in a bit deeper to understand why I’m even thinking about it in the first place. Something I was thinking about the other day was friendships and the different levels of friendships that exist throughout our lives. 

Deep in thought, I was able to whittle down the friendships I’ve had into 3 categories. None of them are meant to be negative, although it may seem that way at first blush. I’m interested to see if others agree with what I’ve laid out or if you feel there are additional layers that I haven’t considered. The 3 levels are listed below, along with a short description and additional details for each:

1. Band-Aid: temporary friend, may have filled a gap or void in your life but you’re no longer in touch

2. Balloon: short or long term friend, someone that flys in and out of your life that you keep in touch with over an extended period of time 

3. Barnacle: long term friends, may or may not be your best friend(s), but definitely someone you’ve known for years and keep in contact with daily/weekly 

Band-Aid 

We’ve all had them. “I really like him/her, they’re great,” but how great? Well, not very considering you only stayed in contact for a short period of time. This could be your fault, their fault or nobody’s fault, the potential friendship simply died on the vine. These could also be people you were friends with while in high school, college, at work, etc. You enjoyed their company at the time; however, it was a “circumstance friendship,” meaning, you got along with them well enough that you were friends/friendly but it never escalated beyond that. You also didn’t keep in touch after because there was no point outside of that particular situation. 

These friends may also fill a void or provide you with something you needed at the time. A good example would be friends in a running club. You decide to take up running and join a club. You hit it off with 1-3 people in the club, you enjoy hanging out with them while running and perhaps even going to grab a beer after, but that’s as far as it goes. Life gets in the way and you begin to have different interests so you’re no longer running. Chances are, you’re also no longer friends with the people you had been hanging out with. They become “Facebook acquaintances” and nothing more. Again, this is not negative in my opinion, it’s just what happens. You like to see their posts and wish them well, you’ve just moved on to something different. As is the case with all band-aids, this was a temporary friendship, but not one you wouldn’t look back on fondly and be appreciative for how they influenced your life in some way. 

Balloon 

The classic “fly in, fly out” friendship. This happens most often for me with friends I went to college with, and much of it has to do with proximity and ability to see one another. I would put both close friends and close acquaintances in this category, I’d also place higher interaction on social media, texting or perhaps talking on the phone (who does that anymore?) as a requirement. Personally, I have several text threads going at all times with various friends I’ve made throughout the years. It’s not that I wouldn’t want to see these people more often, I absolutely would. Work, kids, they live too far away, these are all detriments to being able to hang out more often. For instance, if a friend I had established a relationship with for years were my next door neighbor, that would elevate our friendship to another level (more on that in the Barnacle section) but since they’re not, they continue to float in and out of my life each day/week/month. 

The great part about a Balloon friend is, when you do see them, you can pick up where you left off. Far from being uncomfortable, you have a close enough relationship to understand you’d both like to hang out more, it’s just not possible due to all the factors already outlined above. You could literally not see or speak to these people for years and there’s no ill will, you’re just happy to rekindle the friendship that was always there, like an already built fire waiting for the match to be lit. Light it up and away you go, transported to wherever your friendship may have begun, regardless of how far removed or how many events have taken place between then and now. 

Barnacles 

Sticky like glue, Barnacle friends are your “go to” people. Having a crisis in your life? Call on them to help or provide advice. Ready to make a big purchase? You know who to call. I’m lucky enough to count the number of Barnacle friends I have on both hands, having forged friendships with them either in high school, college or both. I realize not everyone can be so lucky, but most likely you have at least one friend you can always count on. At one point around middle school, this was me as well. I had one best friend who I lost touch with over time and had migrated to Balloon or perhaps even Band-Aid status. Unfortunately, he passed away during Covid; but the memories I have of him and our time together are happy ones and I’m thankful he was my friend at a time in my life when I desperately needed one. 

These are also the “guys trip/girls trip” friends, the ones you keep in contact with as much as possible regardless of distance apart. For better or worse, they know everything about you, and may even serve as Godparents to your children or pallbearers at your parents funeral. Many years ago, my brother once told me “family is forever, but your friends go away.” He’s right of course, if you’re a Band-Aid or Balloon friend, but not the Barnacles. They're sticky little buggers and hard to scrape off easily. The definition of family is a “group of two or more persons related by birth, marriage or adoption who live together.” There’s no way to pigeon hole your closest friends into this definition necessarily; however, it’s safe to say you’ve all adopted one another, choosing the good with the bad in order to provide joy and comfort and act in a similar fashion as a family normally would. 

As I said when we started, there may be different definitions you can throw in here and even add on to the ones I’ve already outlined, but these are the ones that make the most sense in my experience. It’s easy to get into the habit of regret when it comes to those friends who were in your life at one point and you no longer see or keep in touch with. Instead, I’d consider looking at the time you spent together with zero regret. Consider the happiness either they brought to you or you brought to them. Like my friend in middle school, we both needed each other at that time in our life and even though he’s no longer here, those times are far from sad for me. 

Life is hard. Temporary and long term friends, along with your immediate family, make the daily grind more bearable. Whether you have more Band-Aid, Balloon or Barnacle friends is largely up to you. As is the case with most things, you get out what you put in. 

One thing I didn’t mention is that barnacles are spineless and have an external shell. To be the best friend possible, I’d caution you to crack that exterior shell we all have and by all means, make sure you have a spine. Being hard and spineless is a great way to permanently place yourself in the Band Aid category.