The Life Less Traveled, But Worth It
I’ve had some people follow up with me lately to ask how I’m doing and whether or not I still like not working. I’m not sure who would ever answer that they love to work rather than doing pretty much whatever they want. I’m no different in that regard. Not having the pressures of a full time job weighing me down on a daily basis has been pretty amazing. It’s allowed my head to clear off all the noise and provided me an opportunity to truly think about any number of things that may pop into my head. This has provided me time for a lot of self reflection.
I’m not a person who enjoys accepting gifts from anyone. I learned a hard lesson when I was younger and received a pair of Air Jordan’s for my 16th birthday. My mother had gone to great lengths to find and buy them for me at the whopping price of $140 ($305 in 2023). Long story short, the shoes were a bit too big and not exactly what I wanted so I was less than appreciative. Through the hurt and frustration in my Mother’s eyes, I learned a valuable lesson to not only appreciate the gifts provided to me but do better in attempting to provide for myself whenever possible. From that moment forward, I would be my “own man” rather than relying on anyone else.
You can see how this mantra would cause difficulty given my current situation. My wife works, I don’t. Although she’s incredibly understanding of my search to find what I really want to be doing, my own guilt and self loathing can sometimes cause issues for both of us. I obviously love to write and find that it’s both therapeutic and rewarding; however, it’s done nothing to help pay any bills up to this point.
One of the things I’ve found fascinating are the number of people that I see out and about during the day. I honestly thought everywhere I went would be a ghost town with a few retirees, mom’s with kids or perhaps a dad or two in a similar situation to mine. It’s been amazing to see stores filled with people of all ages and restaurants somewhat bustling in the middle of the day. People are walking around shopping and/or going about their lives, on a Tuesday afternoon no less. I’d been locked inside a conference room or sitting in a cube for so long, I just figured everyone did the same. Obviously that’s not true.
I even visited a brewery for my birthday a few weeks back. I was alone of course because, well, all my friends have jobs. It was probably the first birthday I can remember where I was by myself. It felt good. It’s liberating to know you can wake up and the day is yours, to do with as you wish. I wanted to have lunch and have a beer, so that’s what I did. Simple. That’s what I’ve been able to validate.
When you break things down, REALLY break them down, what do we need? Do you NEED the new car, pair of shoes or Apple Watch? Of course not. We buy these things because we can and feel they will provide fulfillment. They do up to a point, but then what? I can’t be the only one who dreams of owning something, finally attaining it and then wonders what’s next. I can tell you what’s next, buying more stuff in an attempt to fill the void.
Only when you don’t have the ability to buy the things you think you need will you realize you never needed them at all. There was a time when I could buy pretty much anything, within reason of course. If I wanted a boat, chances are I could save for it and have it within a matter of months. The new shoes or Apple Watch I referenced weren’t a big deal either, I could’ve bought them if I wanted them. The reality is, I never did because I’m simply not wired that way. I don’t really care about material things, the pair of Jordans and the episode that followed taught me that at a young age. I’ve never been one to care too much about owning one thing or the other, that’s what made me realize we’d be just fine on less income.
Is it a struggle at times? Of course. Anytime you take away a large amount of your income it’s going to be tough. Couple this with the worst inflation we’ve seen since the Carter years and the added stress of simply buying new shoes for the kids becomes something to consider and budget around (especially when you don’t want to dip into your savings or incur any debt). Thankfully we planned ahead and paid off debt while locking in a 30 year fixed mortgage at a very low rate. Many Americans aren’t as lucky or didn’t have the forethought to plan for the future. They’re feeling the pain now of the bad decisions made 5 years earlier.
This is another good lesson to learn. Planning for the future and thinking about where you want to be 1, 5, and 10 years from now are critical to the success of any individual or marriage. When I first “retired”, I didn’t think I’d have to go back to work. My hope was that I’d be able to find something “on the side” that I’d be able to do to help pay for some of our monthly bills. This has proved harder than originally thought.
Finding the side hustle is hard enough but the fact that everything is so expensive has only exacerbated the need to bring in additional income. I’m now exploring local and/or remote positions that both fit my skill set and align with what I’d like to be doing. Life will continue to throw challenges your way, the ability to pivot and embrace the new path needed to be forged is the key to success.
I’m an impatient person by nature. It was one of the things I was most worried about when I stopped working. Would I allow myself the ability to breathe and simply enjoy this gift of time off that I’d been given. To a certain extent I’ve done better than I thought. The fact I can go to the gym in the middle of the day while seeing my daughter off to school in the morning and picking her up in the afternoon has been amazing. My routine has been sliced and diced from what I had been used to and that’s been refreshing.
Not having to run around and stress about work while leaving time for family functions and exercise routines has been life changing. Similar to my comment about seeing people out and about on a Tuesday afternoon, it opened my eyes that my life can be different in the future if I want it to be.
I used to think that work of any kind was the problem. Perhaps I no longer wanted to work or didn’t have the internal drive to succeed. I’ve shattered this myth by continuing to set routines in my life while doing my best to stay away from a daily binge of Netflix, Amazon Prime or any number of political/social videos featured on X. It’s incredibly easy to fall into the trap of giving in to all of the entertainment options thrown in our face. Just like I don’t eat a pizza everyday (much as I’d like to) staying disciplined and trending toward positive hobbies and interests has proven to be successful.
So, where does this leave me? Would I say this has been a successful escapade into the depths of the unknown? Simply put, yes. There are days when I miss being able to think of myself as a Vice President at a major bank with a team of folks that work for me. To say otherwise would be lying. And yet, the number of times I think about this and actually care are dwindling by the day.
My life is better off having taken this unknown path, no matter where it may lead in the end. I was unhappy, depressed and wasn’t providing a happy household for my wife and daughters. Your life is your own, but you also need to consider the people around you who share in your life when making decisions that ultimately affect them.
If you’re reading this and you’re starting to see the fog forming around your life, consider a step back and a reset. It’s scary and can be challenging at times, but anything worth having always is.
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