It's Time We Raised the Bar

 America and Our Expectation Problem 

There are so many competing issues happening in America right now that it often becomes difficult to keep up. If you were to watch the news on a nightly basis you’d wonder how any of us have the ability to get from place to place without being carjacked, mugged or worse.

America has its fair share of problems, there’s no denying it. One problem is being overlooked by most because it’s so pervasive it’s become normal. A new normal as they say, one that’s going to be difficult to reverse without doing some serious soul searching. What is it you ask? Simply put: lowered expectations. 

Let’s start with an easy example. People, especially those younger than me I will admit, have been wearing questionable clothing to the airport for years. I began to take notice of this in the early 2000’s when I would take out of town flights for work. I wasn’t necessarily dressed up since I was headed to the hotel once I got there, but pajamas or something similar would not have been my first apparel of choice. I’m not saying we need to wear a fedora and trench coat while smoking a Pall Mall to invoke our inner Mad Men, but some semblance of care when being seen in public would be a good rule of thumb. 

Many are making an excuse that we’re simply getting over our Covid hangovers, that society needs time to adjust to the “new norm.” I couldn’t disagree more. America has been spiraling toward an epidemic of lower expectations for the past 25-30 years, perhaps longer. An argument can be made that today's societal norms are a direct result of the social upheaval experienced in the 1960s and forward. The “free” everything movements sound great in theory, but are harder to put into practice when human beings are involved. 

All of this has gotten way worse post Covid. I’ve gone to my local Wal-Mart more than I’d like to admit the past few weeks. Almost every time, the same “greeter” is standing by the metal detectors as they often do. I have “greeter” in quotes because he neither greeted me nor paid any attention to me at all. I’m not an expert on Wal-Mart job descriptions and I don’t have an employee handbook in front of me, but I’m pretty sure acknowledging my existence is part of the job. Most of the time I’ve witnessed him speaking to another co-worker. Trust me, I get the job is incredibly boring and monotonous, but nobody forces you to do a crappy job. Again, you should at least perform some form of greeting as I pass, I’d even take a head nod at this point. 

I had a plumber come to the house recently to fix a running toilet. Originally this was going to be a task I would take on myself, but my wife intervened. In retrospect, this does make sense given my handyman acumen or lack thereof. Anyway, our plumber showed up on time, was courteous and gave me a couple of options on what he could do. He provided me with price quotes and asked if we wanted him to proceed. After he was done, he asked if we needed anything else and went on his merry way. I was floored. The fact he was courteous, gave me upfront pricing and completed the job quickly and efficiently was beyond surprising to me. How sad is that? Shouldn’t this be the norm? Why am I surprised when someone does what they say they will do? 

The blight of lower expectations has found a way into our daily lives in almost every way. The majority of Americans will wake up, have an unhealthy breakfast, drink way too much coffee and pop 2-3 pills due to any number of ailments they may have. We do more to ruin our bodies before 9am than most people did all day 30 years ago. 

I’m not a Navy Seal. I don’t eat perfectly and exercise every single day of the week, but I do put my best foot forward 90% of the time. This should be the expectation and yet it’s not. Too many Americans are overweight, don’t exercise and simply don’t care about what they’re doing each day. Thankfully smoking has taken a dip over the years; however, it’s simply been replaced with vaping. I have a good rule of thumb: anything you’re ingesting into your body that can be bought at the local 7 Eleven is more than likely not good for you. 

Been to church lately? I will admit, I don’t go nearly as much as I should. Even though it’s been awhile for me, the last time I went I was surprised to see how dressed down everyone was. From shorts and t-shirts to flip flops and torn jeans, there was nothing out of bounds and all was considered acceptable. This is most likely due to the declining popularity of church. Essentially, they’ll take anyone who wants to walk through the door these days. Let’s be clear, I’m not saying everyone needs to dress in a 3 piece suit, but perhaps a little consideration as you enter the public and face your maker would be warranted and appropriate.  

Lowered expectations have found their way into our entertainment as well. What was once rated R level cursing in a show or sitcom is now considered wholly and completely appropriate for family viewing. My wife and I have the hardest time finding anything to watch with our kids because most of the material or language simply isn’t something they should be exposed to. Have we forgotten how innocent our kids are? If they turn on NBC and hear the main character say “shit” while discussing a sexual innuendo with their neighbor, I don’t think I’m an old curmudgeon when I say my 7 year old shouldn’t be hearing that. In the end, we’ve resorted to watching cooking shows as our form of family entertainment. Bonus: our girls now know how to do more than simply boil an egg, so our form of parenting is paying off. 

We’re going to get to the point where you can have full XXX love scenes on HBO and adult level comedies/dramas streaming on network TV, all in the name of progress and driving our society forward. I think it’s having the opposite effect. Exposing our kids and each other to much of the content that’s available simply isn’t healthy. As we sit there binging one show after another, eating Doritos and slurping down Coca Cola’s, the emptiness and depression of a wasted life must begin to creep in at some point.

How could I forget about the restaurants? I get it, Covid shut everything down and it's been tough to find help. I recognize the shortages and hiring issues. Even with all that, it's no excuse to either be rude or simply not care about getting an order correct. I find more often than not I receive sub par customer service while almost always receiving an incorrect order. As was the case with the plumber, I'm constantly surprised when the order is actually correct and the person serving me is both nice and courteous. This is not only sad, it's not sustainable as a country.  

Perhaps I’m wrong. Obviously there’s a majority of Americans who are satisfied living a mundane existence and treating each day with either disdain or nonchalance as though we’re all going to live forever. 

If you are what you eat, we’re a bloated and entitled country that’s simply given up on ever getting our hand out of that cookie jar or bag of chips. We need to move the needle by moving ourselves in a more positive direction and begin raising our expectations to align with the tenets of our founding fathers. 

Even portly John Adams once said: 

“Neither medicine nor diet nor anything would ever succeed with me, without exercise in open air.”

It's time we raise the bar, before the bar unceremoniously falls to the ground and our great nation along with it.

The American Flag, Our Great Unifier

Secondary Flags Should be Just That, Secondary 

Flags are becoming a big topic these days. We have a flag for almost everything. I’ll fully admit, I’m a certified flag dork. I especially love colonial American flags (Join or Die, Don’t Tread on Me, etc). There are also plenty of people that like to usher in the seasons with their Summer, Spring, Winter or Fall flags flying proudly from their house. Add in any number of sports flags to boot and it’s amazing we can even see our houses through all the logos waving proudly in the wind. 

Flags can be fun, they can tell a story and they can help us identify with a group or subset of like minded individuals. They can also be divisive or even downright evil. The Don’t Tread on Me flag mentioned above has been used by some white nationalist groups over the years while a black swastika on a field of white represents a regime so horrid I don’t even have to define it any further. 

Flags are normally secondary within America, the flag of our country taking a primary position a majority of the time. Yet, more and more, we’re beginning to see the flags people identify with as their first flag of choice. Black Lives Matter, Trump (MAGA), LGBTQ+, etc. All of these are beginning to assume a place of both prominence and definition of being. I’m a Trump voter, therefore that flag represents me. I’m either gay/lesbian/queer/etc, therefore the Intersex-Inclusive Progress Pride flag defines me. I support Black Lives Matters so this flag best defines who I am. Flags are great, except when used in this way. The American flag is being slowly and, what appears to be, deliberately marginalized. 

Go down most suburban neighborhood streets and you’ll see multiple American flags. Hanging proudly in front of houses, they symbolize everything that America is and has been throughout our history. This includes the good and the bad by the way. There’s no way to separate the two from one another. I always find it funny when people say, “that flag doesn’t represent me.” Sure it does. There is no other flag that could represent you as a citizen of this country. You can certainly have secondary flags that represent you as well but the primary should always be the American flag. 

What about those items that “bastardize” the American flag? This is also an issue. Similar to what’s done with the UK Union Jack, the stars and stripes are draped over every piece of clothing from skirts and bikinis to tank tops and hats adorned with glitter. People wear them as a point of pride, that much is true. But could there be anything more disrespectful to those who laid down their lives for our freedom than our flag being reduced to a $0.99 beer koozie or bottle opener? Noting the price, you can guess both of these items aren’t made in America either. 

I visited my old neighborhood recently. I was always proud that I was able to buy a condo at 27 years old in one of the older, more established neighborhoods of Charlotte. My condo would definitely be considered the “low rent” district of my neighbors considering the houses around me were hundreds of thousands of dollars more than what I could afford. Crazy enough, those same houses are now millions of dollars while my old condo has basically doubled in value. Time will do that in the case of real estate, especially nowadays. 

The houses I passed on my stroll through memory lane were as beautiful as ever; however, I did notice one glaring issue that dispels what I considered to be true everywhere. Limited patriotism in the form of American flags. I must’ve passed at least 50 houses. Of those 50, I counted 3 American flags. If we were doing the math, this is about 6% of the sample size I was able to witness. That’s incredibly surprising and pretty depressing if I’m being honest. In years past, you would’ve seen closer to 33% or maybe even 50% of the houses with an American flag proudly displayed somewhere on the property. 

I observed this trend when I was visiting Charleston earlier this summer as well. Using a similar wealth indicator (given the type and location of homes), the Charleston houses were sparse with American flags but had plenty of Ukrainian and other flags hanging from their homes. I found this both odd and slightly disheartening. 

This got me thinking. Why are these people, who are so obviously wealthy and have gained this wealth through this great nation of ours, not necessarily proud to display their patriotism? Do they think they could have accrued such wealth in a different country so it simply doesn’t matter where they live? I’m not sure of the answer but I can venture a guess. 

I’ve discussed this in previous articles but patriotism is now seen as Alt-right or somehow aligned with Trump. Unfortunately, the American flag falls into this category as well. Trump has done such a great job of appropriating the flag within his propaganda that many are unable to distinguish Trump’s America from the rest of us. This needs to be fixed, and quick. 

Many have no issue flying the flag of their favorite sports team from their house. I actually noticed one house on my aforementioned walk that had two flags hanging from their front porch, both representing local sports teams. This isn’t a crime and there’s certainly nothing wrong with it. You and anyone else has every right to hang whatever flag you choose from your house. I do mean, ANY flag. Just be ready for the consequences if one of those happens to offend those around you. It’s a free country but your neighbors are equally free to despise and shun you as they see fit based on what you display. 

There are flags that are offensive, of that we can have no doubt. The American flag cannot and should not be one of them. If it is, we will have lost all sense of what it is that we identify with. The American flag is the glue that binds us together. All other flags are simply chapters within the book of our country’s history. You identify with that particular chapter (i.e. BLM, Trump, etc) and are able to display it for all to see. That’s great and as it should be. But it’s equally important to have the actual book on display as well, to show that we’re all reading from the same text. To mitigate or slowly eliminate the American flag from our houses, restaurants or sports stadiums is to remove the book binding from the book altogether, allowing the pages to scatter in the wind. 

Pride is defined as, "the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated." Our flag has landed on the moon, won the Indy 500 and been on display for every great achievement in our history. I wasn't alive when our soldiers fought in the battle of Iwo Jima, but our flag is immortalized in the famous statue, standing proudly on a leaning flagpole. The flag is our great unifer. There is no America without it.

Go ahead and hang the flags of pride for the particular group you identify with but, do me a favor, put the stars and stripes in a place of prominence. You may not have done a ton of things in your life to be proud of, but you can bet our flag has. A symbol of freedom and liberty, it's the flag of our fathers and mothers. It's you, me and all of us. Blood has been spilled, battles won and lost and soldiers' graves draped reverently to honor the ultimate sacrifice they made for your freedom and mine.

We're all incredibly lucky to have been given the gift of freedom we enjoy on a daily basis. Provide a small token of thanks to lady liberty by proudly displaying her chosen garment in a place of prominence outside your home or office. She may not be able to say thanks, but the rest of us will.

Keep the Change? Not an Option

Lasting Change Takes Time and Conversation  

There were times over the past 3-5 years where I thought I was going nuts. The world was changing around me at such a rapid pace it was impossible to keep up with it. In general, I'm not a fan of change. I can definitely roll with the punches to a certain extent but real, serious change to anything can be mind numbing and crippling to me. Our views on America and American pride are changing and I don’t always agree with it or want to accept it.

Take Captain America for example. First published in 1940, Captain America was created as a symbol of American freedom, strength and pride while World War II was raging across Europe. Although America hadn’t yet entered the war, the super hero was most assuredly seen as a way to boost morale and act as a sort of positive propaganda for the country. Who would be our Captain America today? What would he/she look like? Would they even be a man or a woman or would they identify as something else? The very sentence I just wrote wouldn’t even have made sense 10 years ago and yet, we’re asked to simply accept and respect the change for what it is: progress. It may well be, but the fact of the matter is, Captain America or any other superhero espousing the greatness or might of America would never be created today. No one would want it. 

In order to understand why so many of us are confused on a daily basis we need to only look at how much the world has changed. During the formative days of my youth (the 90s), we had an “I don’t care what you do, just be happy” kind of attitude. I always considered it similar to what was seen in the 60s except a lot more built up angst, flannel and perhaps better hygiene habits. I was always proud of who we were as a generation. Our parents had been a bit too conservative, caring about whether someone had long hair, was gay or lived a lifestyle different from their own. We simply didn’t care, none of that concerned us. Do whatever you want to do, just respect yourself and those around you. It was a pretty simple concept and one I thought we’d be able to build on as we got older. Unfortunately, the building blocks grew wings and started sprouting every which way. 

In my humble opinion, the iPhone is the single greatest product of my lifetime. The genius of Steve Jobs and his team cannot be understated. The smart phone has transformed our society. Unfortunately, the transformation isn’t always for the better. Human beings are flawed creatures. We say things we shouldn’t, do things we wish we could take back and have regrets on a daily and/or weekly basis. If you’re reading this thinking, “that’s not me, I have zero regrets.” My response would be, “hey Jesus, great to finally meet you.” You’re not perfect and neither am I, that’s the point. We all make mistakes, it’s part of what makes us human. Yet, having a camera and microphone at the ready allowing you to take video of total strangers and post online is the very definition of a big brother society. This exposes all of our flaws and inhibitions, giving the populace an ability to pass judgment and sentence you without any further discussion. A trial of your peers happens in a town square format, it’s the digital version of stoning someone to death. 

The digital society that we now live in has allowed us to move further away from humanity and embrace a mass construct sharing the same thoughts, ideas and feelings. This sheep mentality has wormed its way into our politics, parenting methodologies and social structures. How else to explain people being ok with children being castrated in order to change their gender? Children used to be a coveted part of our society worthy of our protection. They’ve now been reduced to chattel in the ever expanding gender identity debate. Count me in on those who think it’s insane that some states provide boys the decision making ability to cut off their own penis before they’re old enough to legally have a beer. Providing flexibility, understanding and empathy for those children struggling with their gender identity is extremely important. Showing a little common sense as an adult in providing them the ability to find themselves in a safe and caring environment is a much better idea than life changing surgery. Rather than altering the course of their lives forever, allow them the freedom to find themselves as they struggle with raging hormones and daily changes to their emotional state. Protecting our children from this madness is the only course of action worthy of discussion. 

There have been a couple of online interactions I’ve watched recently that have provided me hope for the future of America. One was a Tucker Carlson interview with Ice Cube. The fact I’m even able to type those two names in the same sentence gives me hope. The image of a staunch right wing conservative like Carlson sitting next to the venerable Ice Cube having a conversation about the state of America was a welcome sight. Regardless of what you think about Tucker Carlson, interviews like this one are essential for America to move forward and face head on the many issues that present themselves on a daily basis. The interview is available on X (aka Twitter) and I would encourage you to watch it. 

The second interaction I watched more recently. Republican presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy was approached by a pan-sexual reporter who asked his opinion on the LBGTQ+ community and same sex couples. He calmly responded that he believes there is a “Tyranny of the minority” happening in our country. This is in response to the “Tyranny of the majority” to remove the majority that has been in power up to this point in our country. He further states he thinks it’s wrong when agendas are forced upon people who either don’t agree with them or fundamentally disagree due to their religious beliefs. In both interviews, there were disagreements and different ways of viewing a particular issue. Rather than forcing a divide between them, there was civil discourse and a conversation about the differences. We need more of this in America.

As a country, we have a lot of issues. The fact we’re finally facing many of them is a step in the right direction. We just need to keep in mind that real and lasting change is both hard and time consuming. As I’ve gotten older, I realize the younger generation is almost always the more progressive. There’s a tendency to want to change the world and society for the better. I certainly commend this thought and would want nothing more than to make America a more inclusive and better society for my children. Forcing agendas on them in the name of change will not help us get there. It’s my job as a parent to provide my kids with the proper foundation on which our country can continue to positively progress. It’s not the job of her school or a government administrator to fill her head with their opinion of what America is and isn’t. You can leave that to me, thanks anyway.

Change in the name of eradicating our freedoms is not the answer. Taking videos of someone at their lowest moment(s) and posting online to either embarrass or shame is not positive progress. Listen to your neighbor. Have a conversation with someone who resides in a different socio economic sphere than your own. Understand how inflation is impacting them differently than you. Understand how they may be struggling with their identity or mental state. Understand, listen and have empathy for each other. 

Sounds easy enough, but it can be hard to hear the progress we’re making above all the shouting.