Dreaming to Live: A Soldier's Story

Dreaming to Live: A Soldier's Story

Normal I suppose. That’s the response I’d give most people if they asked about my life. I met my wife in college. We’re raising two kids and we live in a small but happy home near the Chesapeake Bay, where I grew up. My childhood was an idyllic one. Both of my parents were very attentive to my baby brother and I, without smothering or being overbearing. Yeah, I’d say life is about as good as it can get, I have zero regrets. 

My oldest, Bobby, he’s a bit of a wild child. Lauren (that’s my wife) and I thought he may have something wrong with him. He was constantly getting into trouble and causing mischief, but that made life a bit more exciting I suppose. Plus, he has a huge heart. He’s always willing to go out of his way for you and others, which makes Lauren and I beam with pride whenever that happens. He dreams of being a fireman when he grows up. He’s even gone so far as to set small fires in the backyard so he can put them out with a watering can. My Dad refers to him as a “live wire,” which I think sums him up pretty well. Bobby’s 13 years old and I love him dearly. He’s the child I never knew I wanted until I had him, he’s changed my world for the better. 

My youngest, Michael, he’s the bookworm of the family. Man that kid’s smart. I always tease Lauren that he got 99% of her brain and 100% of my clumsiness. He truly is the smartest child I’ve ever been around while also being born with two left feet. Like most kids in America, he loves baseball. His favorite team is the Dodgers. I’ve promised him we’ll go see them play one day, I simply haven’t saved the dough for the gas money to get us there. Like Bobby, Michael was gifted with a heart of gold. He’s always willing to help his friends and do the right thing when asked. Michael is 9 years old and I can’t wait to see what kind of person he grows up to be. I've got my money on a college professor.  

Did you hear that? They sound close but maybe it’s my mind playing tricks on me….medic!…focus… 

Lauren and I met our sophomore year at the University of Delaware. She was well on her way to fulfilling a lifelong dream of becoming a nurse. I was undecided in what I wanted to do and remained that way until Junior year when I finally landed on a business degree. Lauren is an incredible wife, mother and partner. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better in my life. She was able to break through my hard exterior and find the man I always knew myself to be. 

Focus, stay calm…medic! 

She has made me a better father. As a result, I now have the ability to listen to my boys and help them with their problems, rather than simply yelling or ignoring them as my father would sometimes do. 

I work as a bookkeeper at a shipping company. I’ve worked there for the better part of 12 years.  

no wait, 15 years, it has to be more than 13 because of Bobby…

Mr Quimbly, the owner, is a somewhat cantankerous old man but he means well. He’s constantly praising me for “running a tight ship,” a pun he never tires of saying. I’m pretty sure it’s the only thing aside from his daughter that makes him smile. Josephine, his daughter, was at one point the prettiest girl in town prior to a boating accident that left her scarred on the right side of her face. As often happens, she’s now overweight and unmarried in her upper 30s, contented with her administrative duties and her father’s love and admiration. 

At one point wanting to be a nurse, Lauren quickly realized her true dream was to be a stay at home mother to our two kids. Once Bobby (or do we call him Bob, I think Bobby is better, stay in the moment) was born, she made this decision and hasn’t looked back since. Her ability to run our household while still making me feel like I matter at all never ceases to amaze. At one point, she was able to juggle two sick children while picking up my Mom from her eye doctor appointment, all while somehow cooking a meatloaf dinner (my favorite, I think, I forget what it tastes like…) so it was ready for me when I got home that night. She’s a marvel. There’s no other way to describe her dedication and love for our family. 

Bobby or Bob, or did I call him Robert before? I mentioned he’s a good kid and he is. Definitely a troublemaker but not in a terrible way. I said that, right? 

What was the other one, Michael, right? 

Bobby, Micheal and Lauren

Bobby, Michael and Lauren

Bobby, Michael and Lau…

Bobby, Mich…

Bobby….

Dammit

It’s almost over, it’s so cold, f**king Germany

God please just take me, I’ve been in this pit for hours now  

I can’t feel my legs, they’re attached to my body but I can’t feel them

I’m 19 years old, this isn’t how my life was supposed to end! I must be dying, but how long does this take? My parents, dear God my parents! 

Where was I shot? 

Medic! Why can’t they hear me? 

Maybe it’s not so bad, I can still move my arm, c’mon, get up….

Thank God I lost my virginity to Katie before I left for basic, why didn’t I think of marrying her? Lauren’s the cute girl next door. Weird. 

Medic! 

Captain Finnerty’s once glaring eyes have been reduced to a blank stare in my direction, a constant reminder of the death that awaits me soon

I know now I’ll never meet my wife and kids, I’ll never….

Stop crying….God D**mit! Oh God…I’m sorry for everything

It’s almost over

Where’s my dog tags?

In my hands, I can’t feel them….

How will my parents find me?

Jesus it’s cold, why do I have to die? 

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, please Jesus, please 

Mom and Dad, I love you 

Thirsty

I don’t want to die 

    My tongue feels strange

            Lauren (or Katie?), Bobby, Michael

            What’s that smell? 

    I can’t breathe, I’m choking…

Oh my God, is this it? Oh God….

            It’s so dark, I’m scared!

            What? 

            Yes, I can hear you 

            I’m ready

Footnote: 

According to the National World War II museum site (nationalww2museum.org), 416,800 American soldiers died during WWII. Although this story was fiction, many of them died alone and scared, wishing to have another chance at a life they would never live. 

On this Memorial Day, I humbly provide thanks to all our veterans and active duty military members. Churchill said it best: 

“Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.” 

Winston Churchill

August 1940